I may one day become a mother. I think about this often, and if the Lord blesses me to have kids, I wonder what type of mom I would be. Thinking of all the different cultures and views I want them to see for themselves. Guiding them on a path of being respectful human beings and not just seeing the world in a box – but in a way that opens their eyes compassion, love, and respect for everyone, regardless, of how different they are from them.
Not just existing but living life the way I want. Not just waking up worrying about how to make money. I mean of course money is important to a certain extent, but I don’t want to be controlled by it and sure don’t want it ruling the way I live life.
I want to travel the world without hesitation. There is so much to see and our time here on earth in the grand scheme of things is not very long. God made such a beautiful place, and I don’t want to be stuck in one area or country seeing what is familiar. I want to explore new cultures, new cuisine, new languages.
I was 21 years old when I walked down the aisle. I cried my eyes out. You know, boo hoo crying. No shame either, I’m an emotional being. I clinched my dad’s hand tight as I could and watched my mom’s eyes. I would no longer cleave to them, but to this young man who was about to become my husband. I would cleave to Terence who like me still had so much to learn. He would be my shoulder, my rock, the peanut butter to my jelly. We would go through many sleepless nights, many bad arguments, and a lot of tears in just a few short years. We would lose jobs, be scrapped for money, not knowing where our next dime would come from. We would chase dreams, fail, and chase then some more. We would be told we’re crazy and we would do it even more. We wouldn’t know how to face the hurdles that were coming our way, but we would have a few close friends and family (enough to count on both hands between us both), God, and each other.
It was a scary moment saying I do before 22, but I knew right then and there I wouldn’t want to grow and learn any other way than without my husband by my side.
I sat silently scrolling through my phone searching for meet ups in the area when a particular test popped up. I came across the Myers – Briggs Personality Type Test. I thought it looked pretty interesting and proceeded to take the test. Mind you I did this in college since I was a Psychology major but I paid no attention to it. I was shocked but pretty excited once I saw the results.
I have an INFJ personality type. It’s amazing how accurately it describes me as a person, and apparently it’s a very rare personality type. It’s nice knowing I’m not crazy. Haha. While it’s nice having an idea of my personality and it seemed quite accurate, I always take the feedback from these type test as guidelines to understanding more.
I’ve always described myself as awkward and a very complex person, but after taking this test and learning more about my personality I was immediately intrigued to keep learning more. I’ve always described myself as an introvert. I knew that much, but I’ve never tried to understand more about my personality type in particular. It was cool seeing my type described in a nutshell.
INJS’s are rare. They make up less than 1% of all the personality types. My personality type stands for Introverted + Intuitive + Feeler + Judging. It’s a personality type that can come off as an “Old Soul”. I can’t recall how many times I’ve been told that. Below is a description of the INFJ personality type in a nutshell from PersonalityMax.com
I definitely encourage taking the Myers – Briggs Personality Test if you haven’t yet. You can find it here: Myers – Briggs Personality Test . It’s $49 to take or you can find a few free ones online. It was awesome learning more about who I am by something so simple. Has anyone else taken the test? What’s your type?
INFJs are complex, deep and intensely private. Their life’s mission is to develop and guide others. Personal growth drives them and anything short of that pursuit is meaningless to them. They are passionate and devoted to the causes they believe in. INFJs live their life with a great sense of purpose. INFJs direct their energy inward. They are energized by spending time alone and have a few close friends. They are independent and deliberate. Confidants are highly Intuitive and are deep thinkers. Their thought process is complex and abstract. They are idealistic and future-focused. INFJs are Feelers that make decisions with their heart.
Hiya! With being a blogger where I am extremely open about my mental health, I often get posed the question with “how are you okay with sharing that much to the entire web?” and the answer is, I’m not too sure. I am not really okay with it because if I think about how many people view this lil web corner I have, it scares me.
It scares me that this many people know about my struggles with mental health because for so long, I kept it to myself. However, the question that people ask me, I also ask myself.
Am I sharing too much online? How can people be comfortable with sharing this much online? Will there ever be ~too~ much that I’m sharing? When will I stop? I truly don’t think I am sharing too much. I’m sharing how much I want to share and isn’t that the…
I sat on the steps crying, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It was a simple salad and I couldn’t eat it. We had two hours to go before my annual gynecologist appointment, and I barely slept the night before. Anyone who suffers from severe anxiety know the overwhelming dread before a visit to the doctor. What if this? What if that? I’ll just reschedule it. I thought this so many times, but I knew the perk to this visit was I actually enjoyed seeing my Dr. She’s one of the sweetest I’ve ever met, and I’m so happy God aligned her into my life.
Before leaving the house, my husband brought me a bowl filled with kale and spinach. “Just lovely”, I thought to myself. It wasn’t too big, just enough to put on my stomach. I had every intention of eating something else that coated my feelings in a more appetizing way. I immediately started crying. I didn’t want it. I knew exactly what I wanted and that salad wasn’t it. I would find some way to manipulate myself and him into letting me eat what I really desired. The choice was never good for me. I braced myself with tears flowing down my eyes.
I ate the salad.
He asked what was wrong, and I told him everything. This appointment, this salad – everything was wrong.
We both knew it wasn’t about the salad. It was day one of saying no. My problem with turning to food for comfort. He hugged me, and I hugged him as I finished up my new found friends of kale and spinach.
I went outside, cried it out some more and felt relieved. I felt scared, I felt motivated and determined to be better all while coming to the conclusion that overall, the salad wasn’t so bad.
I can’t do it. I can’t do it. Ok, maybe I can do this.
I woke up with the intention of not eating anything I had no business eating. That list consisted all the works such as junk food, sodas, and ESPECIALLY coffee. I succeeded a little bit with the exception of soda and cookies. It wasn’t my fault because it’s always everyone else’s fault but your own, right? I wanted cookies today, so that’s what it was going to be. Then, I immediately blamed Terence. Lol. One day at a time.
Towards the end of the day, I felt the need to really go outside and walk the track. I only had on my flip flops and regular day clothes, so no workout outfits by any means, but I knew if I went home to change I wouldn’t go. My husband and I made our way to the track and I immediately regretted. The first five minutes went by and I was ready to turn around, but then something happened… I looked around and heard the birds chirping, nature singing, and I felt this sudden sense of relaxation. It was this amazing and huge gulp of tenseness being relieved. It was a well-needed breath of fresh air.
Terence and I talked about goals, we talked about my social media experiment and how I’ve been more present only within these couple of days. It really made me realize how much I don’t get outside and how really how important taking time to just walk/exercise is so important. I have my annual visit with my gynecologist tomorrow and I’m always so nervous about that visit, so my anxiety has been up a little bit. Today’s walked help relieve some of that stress and helped clear my mind a lot. I really hope to make that an almost every day thing.
It’s been one day of no social media. I’ve been off longer than one day before, of course, but this was the first time I made a commitment and announced I was staying off for a year. You may wonder why I announced it and didn’t just get off (or maybe you didn’t). I announced it because I wanted to hold myself accountable. It’s a little harder not to do something when you’ve shared a goal with everyone. I also wanted to share with my clients wouldn’t think I’ve fallen off the face of the earth.
Today I tried to pay careful attention to how many times I went to type in Facebook or Instagram on my phone. It’s ridiculous the number of times I reached for the apps. I would reach when I wasn’t it even wanting to get on there. It was like automatic. I think the hardest part has been feeling like I’m missing something even though I’m not. How will I know what’s going on? Who’s doing what today? It’s an empty feeling knowing you don’t actually reach out by shooting a text or something to actually check in on someone. Anyway, this has been day one, and it’s been uneventful. Not too hard but not too easy. I’ll be sure to share updates from time to time on how it’s going.
On another note, I’ve started my journey once more to lose weight. I’m not ready to share my stats yet, but I will soon enough. Just know I’m pretty much back at square one from when I tried a few months ago *eye roll*. So from onward, I’ll be updating once a month on my progress. I’ll share then where I started 🙂